Writing, it's what I'm supposed to do, isn't it? Sometimes I think my plans have strayed. I'm thinking that the whole writing scene isn't for me. I know it's just thoughts that are bellowing in my head, but I'm beginning to feel this self-loathing every time I write something. The Shemshemet piece I wrote, at the moment entitled Vision Quest, went rather well, but editing it is another thing. I suppose getting a job at a daily would be beneficial as David suggests, but I'm not sure if it's for me. I don't know if writing for the underbelly of the beast of McAllen is appropriate. I can't stand them. I don't like their writers, or their bias. I'm a writer of culture and arts. I'm not out there to make the news. I thought I could do something to change the face the word of the written media, but now I think it's no in me.
And as for the whole MFA in Creative Writing? I've gotten over it. I could've registered for Washington, but without money and without any experience in the workforce, I don't think I'll make it. As for Pan Am, the for sure shoe in--well, I just down right don't like the people who have been accepted in the first round. These people went in thinking that they are writers already (though, I suppose only a small percentage are possibly). I suppose the whole thing isn't so bad, but what really got me was when they went off and attacked EGO/EMO and then--and get this--Sigma Tau Delta. I'm not sure if anyone else noticed when Jyg and I went to that meeting, but I was really pissed when I left because the high and mighty MFA'ers decided that they're little copycat organization was better than EGO/EMO and way better than the INTERNATIONAL ENGLISH HONOR SOCIETY!!!! We were referred by the fat white one and the fat brown one as the "other " English organization. I have some news for you porkies, we ARE the English organization.
I'm sorry, what's going to look better on a resume, or in anything, Sigma Tau Delta, an actual recognized organization, or a two bit thief job like the Writers' Block. You know for an organization of creative geniuses they did lack creativity in their actual group name.
Anyway, enough bitching. I went off topic with that, but it's something that is still bothering me. I don't know why I can't write these days. The energy isn't in me. I was able to write a small piece, but nothing too big. I've been trying to get back to my roots of writing a poem, but the words aren't coming right. The imagery is all shot. I thought the depression was what once inspired me to write, but now I realized I'm not the same anymore. I suppose it was time that I outgrew my light and I refuse to be a shadow stalker.
I wish I could write, though. There are a thousand ideas all stemming within my head that I haven't been able to write a single line of words. I haven't been coherent. I haven't been concise. And now with the slow decay of my friends, I'm beginning to think I won't make it any further without breaking. Not that I'm mad at them, I'm not sure where we're headed for anymore.
All I know is what I really need is a job.
And as for the whole MFA in Creative Writing? I've gotten over it. I could've registered for Washington, but without money and without any experience in the workforce, I don't think I'll make it. As for Pan Am, the for sure shoe in--well, I just down right don't like the people who have been accepted in the first round. These people went in thinking that they are writers already (though, I suppose only a small percentage are possibly). I suppose the whole thing isn't so bad, but what really got me was when they went off and attacked EGO/EMO and then--and get this--Sigma Tau Delta. I'm not sure if anyone else noticed when Jyg and I went to that meeting, but I was really pissed when I left because the high and mighty MFA'ers decided that they're little copycat organization was better than EGO/EMO and way better than the INTERNATIONAL ENGLISH HONOR SOCIETY!!!! We were referred by the fat white one and the fat brown one as the "other " English organization. I have some news for you porkies, we ARE the English organization.
I'm sorry, what's going to look better on a resume, or in anything, Sigma Tau Delta, an actual recognized organization, or a two bit thief job like the Writers' Block. You know for an organization of creative geniuses they did lack creativity in their actual group name.
Anyway, enough bitching. I went off topic with that, but it's something that is still bothering me. I don't know why I can't write these days. The energy isn't in me. I was able to write a small piece, but nothing too big. I've been trying to get back to my roots of writing a poem, but the words aren't coming right. The imagery is all shot. I thought the depression was what once inspired me to write, but now I realized I'm not the same anymore. I suppose it was time that I outgrew my light and I refuse to be a shadow stalker.
I wish I could write, though. There are a thousand ideas all stemming within my head that I haven't been able to write a single line of words. I haven't been coherent. I haven't been concise. And now with the slow decay of my friends, I'm beginning to think I won't make it any further without breaking. Not that I'm mad at them, I'm not sure where we're headed for anymore.
All I know is what I really need is a job.
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